Saturday, August 25

Happy Birthday, Ma!

I woke up at 3:50am this morning, crying. It was a happy-sad dream I had. And it went like this..

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The dream started with scenes from my elementary school graduation. Familiar faces roamed around the hazy panels of my mind. Then transition into a waterfalls resort scene where I, my family, my relatives and some invited classmates were having my graduation party.

I knew it was a dream. Because in that dream, I tried to retrieve from my memory those visions of my real-life experiences at that particular resort. Surfaced none. So I walked through the water, glancing at the faces of people swimming, bathing at the falls. I saw my sister-in-law, Ate Rona, and then I looked at my 'invited classmates'. It doesn't seem right. My brother met Ate Rona in 2011, but the faces of my 'invited classmates' didn't fit 2011 at all. They looked like they came from 1998.

Everything doesn't fit. The dates are all mixed up, the people had peculiar-looking, too-young-for-the-scene faces. I looked for my brother and saw him swimming alone. He looked his 15 year old self. And then I searched for my sister, found her looking like the little girl she was back in 1999.

I then confirmed, yes, this is a dream. And because it was, my dreaming self realized that Mama could be in this dream, alive, being funny, celebrating with me.

I ran towards the cottages excitedly. I've waited quite a while for this dream to happen. As I reached the cottage where my relatives set all the food, I exclaimed, my face lighting up with a grin "What is the date today? I know this is a dream. But please tell me the date." They answered "June 2, 2002". Oh.

Nevertheless, I rejoiced. 2002. Yes, Mama's still here. She didn't leave until 2009. I swept my entire dream panel to look for her. And at last, there she was, sitting right there at the cottage bench in front of me.

I ran towards her, buried my face in her lap, and cried almost incessantly. She put her two arms around me, smiled, and told me to stop crying. It was the best feeling I've had since 2009.

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Back to real life. I'm crying again now as I type this. Gahd. I can't help it. It is almost noon and by 3pm, we'll be at her grave where we always are come August 25th.

Well.. Happy birthday, Mama. I miss you very much. Thank you for visiting my dream this morning. Thank you for that tender hug. If only dreams come with the smell of the past, it would have been the most perfect dream. I know you've felt my sadness the past few weeks that's why you visited. I'll remember that hug and all the meanings that come with it.

I love you.




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